Relationship insecurity:
You probably need help with relationship insecurity if:
• You worry unnecessarily about what your partner is doing
• You can’t stop snooping through your partner’s cell phone, email or social networking pages
• You are overly controlling of or abusive towards your partner
• Your jealousy and insecurity are pushing your partners away
• Worry about your relationship is overtaking the rest of your life
• Almost anything your partner says or does seems to set off jealousy and fear
There’s a place for being aware of what your romantic partner is doing, for example when there is clear evidence that he or she is being unfaithful or otherwise engaging in behaviors that could hurt you. But many people come to me saying their partners have never shown signs of being untrustworthy (or perhaps did in the past but have since made genuine changes) and yet they continue to be consumed by feelings of fear and jealousy anyway. If this sounds like you, then you are probably already aware that, (a) it’s exhausting, and (b) it’s exasperating for your partner who, getting tired of having to prove him or herself, may be starting to pull away.
Your insecurity about your relationship may have its roots in how you were treated by past partners, in what you saw of adult relationships when you were growing up, or in deep-seeded insecurities about yourself that make it hard to imagine any partner staying committed to you. If you are like many of my clients you may find yourself in a painful dilemma: wanting desperately to experience love and intimacy on the one hand, but at the same time closing down towards your partner and doing things that push him or her away.
You have probably found that even when you manage to talk yourself out of the negative thoughts and jealous fears for a while, it’s only a matter of time until the next thing comes up that triggers them all again. The associated feelings can be so powerful that it may seem beyond your ability to control them, but I find that most people are actually able experience significant shifts in a relatively small number of sessions of Coherence Therapy.
If these symptoms resonate with you and you’d like an opportunity to make a change, I invite you to give it a try and schedule a free initial consultation.